Screw The Toaster

I am technologically challenged… seriously technologically challenged (note basic set up of blog). I can usually turn on and off the TV, unless someone has switched to dvd or something. Is it still called dvd? Is that the same as Blue Ray? I generally can retrieve phone messages from my cell phone, which I need to do often as I never, ever, answer my cell phone. I usually have to use the house phone to call and find it. The one piece of equipment that gives me the most trouble in our home is our *&#**ING toaster. Can’t work it, not at all, makes no sense with squiggly line symbols that all look like smoking toast.

I am not, however, sweepstakes challenged, I love to enter, and even if it involves filling out stuff on the computer, I do it! Logically I know I won’t win, but a girl can dream, can’t she? Actually I won a sweepstakes once. I received a “free” cupcake at Disney World during their two years of “Year of a Million Dreams” giveaways. My favorite sweepstakes are the HGTV dream houses. I have envisioned winning all of them. I can see myself sitting in a hot tub at a beautiful mountain retreat, or sipping wine on my Napa porch, even enjoying the city view from my sleek NYC apartment. The newest give-away, however, gives me pause. It’s a smart home in Nashville. A really smart home, with just about everything from the plumbing on up digitized and computerized, even the front door. Oh, the problems I foresee with this…

First, I’m at the front door and can’t get in. That’s okay, I’ll call hubs for clues to operating. Wait, I can’t find my cell phone, must have left it in the house I can’t get into. Plus side, every entrance is monitored so family can go back and watch me struggle with entry, providing hours of amusement, I am sure.

let’s say I somehow get in. Darn it, I just want to close the curtains, now they are sashaying open and shut like an elegant ballroom dance couple. Oops, I hit something and the heat is blasting to sauna level. I’ll just go into the kitchen and get a drink. How the *&a*! do I turn on the lights? Oh no, I think I set off the burglar alarm! The fridge is as impenetrable as Fort Knox, and getting a glass of ice water would take a degree in computer science. I’ll just go in and watch TV. Really? I can’t even get it to pop out of its hidey hole.

That’s it, I need a relaxing shower. Off to investigate the operating panel that is supposedly pre programmed with our favorite settings. God I yearn for the shower dials of yore. Well, that’s out. Nature calls. Seriously? A computerized toilet? I HATE this house! (but I am still entering).


About cherichat

No better way to get to know me than by reading my blog. It is much more the truth than you would see in person.
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7 Responses to Screw The Toaster

  1. Karl Hagnauer says:

    Yea, but does the toilet clean itself too???

  2. But your sister would LOVE that house…

  3. jules says:

    I think you have the makings of a movie here, Cheri! I’m imaging these descriptions as scenes and laughing out loud. And you are not alone. I know I sound old, but I yearn for some simplicity in our techno-world. The thing I love most about my new condo….the old, old, old dial thermostat! It’s amazing, when you want it warmer, you just turn the dial up a few degrees, and when you want it cooler, you just turn it down the same way….AMAZING, what will they think of next! Really enjoy your writing!

  4. cherichat says:

    Thanks, Julie. I thoroughly enjoy yours, as well. It’s almost like we had similar training in our writing style…

  5. Enjoyed your post. Laughed at the idea of symbols representing ‘smoking toast’. Smoking a piece of toast would surely be bad for your health lol!

  6. Pingback: Ode To a Basement Dweller | Marriage, Mayhem and Mirth

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