Black is the New Vapid

Miss-America-Funny_1

I am a news junkie. Newspapers, that darling, dying breed, will always be my first love, but I will consume almost anything: network, cable, internet, even morning “news” shows. Yes, I understand the lines between entertainment and information no longer exist. I also recognize the blatant polarization of news sources, once a journalism no no, now a marketing ploy. I can and do turn to C-Span to watch over my government in times of intense non-action, but let’s be honest, it’s like the brussel sprouts of the news world. I collect all types of informational flotsam and jetsam, put everything through the wash and spin cycles that constitute my brain, and retain, for a bit, the things I feel are important.

There are two things I discovered through my news sourcing this week that have really stuck with me; both are upsetting, thought provoking and possibly life changing. Sure, I could be on the bandwagon and ruminate about the recent election and the implications for a lame duck log jam, this week’s Supreme Court case and the repercussions regarding international relations as well as the separation of governmental powers, the constitutionality of gay marriage and the pros and cons of medical and/or recreational marijuana. But these things fail in importance in comparison to two things I learned this week.

The first is complements of the Today show. Evidently, people need instruction as to how to wash their faces. I kind of thought this was almost universally covered by moms around baby aged two or so, but evidently not. According to Today, we must wet our faces first, before using a soap or cleanser, then rinse off and dry. Who knew?

The next piece of information I garnered from one of my favorite news sources, Today in St. Louis, the hour-long infommercial that separates hour eight from hour ten of the regular Today show. Hubs and I were in the kitchen enjoying a lazy morning, when the television informed me I was most likely dressing in an unflattering manner! “Shhh! Shh! I need to hear this, this is so important!” I said to Hubs (while sitting in my usual morning attire of torn flannel pajama bottoms, t-shirt, sweatshirt, fuzzy socks and coke bottle glasses). I was positively devastated to find out that only 20% of women can wear black, and it’s probably not me! Oh, the horror! I will have to purge roughly 50% of my closet. Luckily there is a former Miss America contestant (don’t even get me started) who has a consulting business and will meet with individuals to help us pick our most flattering colors. (Wasn’t this a Tupperware type business in the 80’s?) I told Hubs I definitely, positively want him to buy a consultation for me as a Christmas present. He said he would, but is afraid either me, the consultant, or both, would find out our true colors are black and blue…

I wonder about people who need face washing instructions, but I worry even more about people obsessed with clothes and appearances. My check, is all my stuff in the right place? Am I covered, and dressed appropriately for the weather? Good to go, then. My theory of appearance: with good hygiene, most people are passably attractive. Everything else is from the inside.

Right now my mind is filled with mostly inconsequential things like my parents’ battles with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s and making the right choices for their care and happiness, essentially becoming my parents’ parent. In my free time I am searching for meaningful employment, as we closed our business of 10 years in June. Add a constant need for sage advice and support to a certain family member who often finds himself in a pickle (love you, honey!). I am carefully navigating my rough climb out of this mid-life crisis that is my life hoping for a fulfilling future; my sanity, dignity and sense of humor intact. I’m off now to wash my face (incorrectly) and slap on something black…

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About cherichat

No better way to get to know me than by reading my blog. It is much more the truth than you would see in person.
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One Response to Black is the New Vapid

  1. One among Many says:

    What can I say, awesome post and can relate to every word. I am also a news junkie but pretty much ignore most of what is out there. Just fluff makes me want to poke my eyes out sometimes.

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