A Mother’s Day present to put Mom over the moon,
This gift combination will make her swoon.
Not flowers, massages or other trite loot,
We’ll pincushion her face and tear hair by the root!
Fantastic news everyone, St. Louis Magazine has a Mother’s Day giveaway that is simply amazing! Smaller items included in this package are a nice pair of earrings (valued at $180), and a $100 gift card to a restaurant named Bonefish(?). But these are just the appetizers. The truly valuable gifts are (and I am so excited I can hardly type this!) a $500 gift card for waxing and a years’ worth of Botox! (valued at $1500).
To me, nothing says “I Love you” like pointing out someone’s flaws. I can just hear the conversation: “Mom, I really wanted to do something special for you this Mother’s Day to show you how much I care, so I entered you in this fabulous giveaway (so it didn’t cost me anything) and you won! Now you can rid yourself of all that excessive, unwanted body hair and also inject botulism into your face you so won’t be able to move your eyebrows! You are welcome!”
As I mom myself, I can tell you I would be pretty darned pleased if either or both of my sons wanted to discuss and help me address my excessively wrinkled face and/or my hirsutism.
I can’t wait to see what St. Louis Magazine has in store for Father’s Day. I think a year’s membership to Weight Watchers, a $1500 gift card to Hans Wiemann and a bag full of Viagra would be ideal.