Who Do I Have To Sleep With?

I have insomnia.

The cause can be boiled down into four categories:

Husband
Menopause
Mom-ness
And this:

LilyBilly

Let’s start with the first. Oh, Hubs. His snoring has been dubbed both “awesome” and “epic” by people not sleeping in the same room with him. He has used an expensive contraption made by the dentist (slight improvement), throat spray (no improvement), nasal strips (slight improvement) and an over-the-counter mouth guard (it’s new, I’ll let you know). I also really want him to try using one of these chin straps, not because they work, but I would love to see him like this … and I would definitely post pictures!

chin strap

Okay, there is one bonus of his obnoxious nocturnal symphonies. Occasionally he will give a big snort and scare the crap out of himself, waking up wild eyed and heart pounding, ready to defend his castle against any and all evil forces. It never ceases to amuse me, is that so wrong?

He also has a charming little idiosyncrasy that’s called restless leg syndrome. Suffice to say that 90% of my dreams involve earthquakes, and when the big one really comes, I’ll sleep through it.

I am all for the marital bed, but I kick him out every few nights so I can get some sleep. Believe me, it’s best for the whole family if I occasionally get some rest.

This holiday has been particularly challenging as both Son 1 and Son 2 returned to their childhood shrines. There was no extra bed to be had, and couch sleeping often involved being awakened by a slightly to fairly lit 21-year-old at all hours of the morning. (You are welcome, Uber, for our little contributions to your success this season!)

Menopause and mom-ness, you know the drill. Night sweats, heart palpitations, worry, the usual.

Then there is our darling Lily. She is a wondermutt rescue dog, perhaps short-hair border collie and some terrier (which is dog lovers’ code for pit bull). There are distinct advantages to her lineage. She will never run away, as her border collie instinct kicks in the moment a member of her “herd” runs away from her. If she darts away, we simply run in the opposite direction and she is forced, by nature, to chase us. It’s a great outside the house trick, not so great inside. If Hubs and I sleep in separate bedrooms, she is anxious all night long, as her herd isn’t quite culled to her liking. She will pace from one room to the other, or if you try to close the doors, whine to get to wherever she is not.

You might run into my baggy eyed, exhausted-looking self this post-holiday season and conclude it was not a happy one for me. It was, but I NEED SLEEP!

So I guess the question really is, who do I have to sleep with to get a good night’s sleep around here?

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About cherichat

No better way to get to know me than by reading my blog. It is much more the truth than you would see in person.
This entry was posted in Crazy Relatives, dogs, Family, Funny, Insomnia, Marriage, Menopause, worry and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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